Reasons Why it is Totally Okay for a Woman to Not Want to Get Married

Curated by Claudia Shannon / Research Scientist / ishonest

Niharika has a passion for all things art, music and travel. During her spare time she likes experimenting in the kitchen, playing video games, and hanging out with stray animals. She has a Bachelors ... more

Let’s face the real facts; marriage is no easy task, and love can sometimes be a losing game. The Big Fat Indian Wedding is often pushed as a life goal to girls from the time they are young. Many women are told that their husbands will come home and take them away from their families. Which basically feels like they have no choice in the matter. The sad truth is that rather than being taught to be self-sufficient and independent, women are taught to prepare for being married and taking care of their husbands’ homes. While things seem to be changing, and many women are standing up for themselves and no longer bending towards others’ wishes, there’s still a long way to go. We’re sure you will come across at least one girl in your friend group or acquaintances who have complained about their parents forcing them to get married asap. So, here are a couple of reasons why it is perfectly fine to be non-committal or not want to tie the knot:

1. It’s A Patriarchal Institution

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All said and done, marriage does favor men over women. Marriage is a deeply rooted patriarchal institution that regards women as property, and it was seen as a way to acquire social standing and power. To this day, women are expected to put their families over their careers and drop everything they are doing to please their in-laws. It truly is unfair that so many women toil day in and day out as stay-at-home moms, and it is the biggest form of unpaid labor there is. Even though some families claim to drop these inhibitions, there are always subtle implications of daughter-in-laws getting the job done with much ease. The responsibility automatically lands on their shoulders. This will naturally make them feel pressured to get the job done.

2. It Is Not A Prerequisite For Companionship

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There is a term called “Live-In Relationship”. Even if you’re not in a relationship, you have the concept of best friends. There is nothing wrong with two best friends choosing to live together. Families will try their might to be super nosy and inquire about your relationship status or even assume you and your roommate are dating (yay for progressiveness!), but you have to stand your ground and stick to your decisions. At times, it might lead to painful situations, but remember, time heals everything eventually.

3. The Arranged Marriage Market Can Be Pretty Toxic

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Everyone expects women to “settle for less”. That’s just the harsh reality. If you’ve watched shows like Indian Matchmaking and others, you know that the arranged marriage market isn’t the best place for women. It can often be extremely difficult for highly independent and career-oriented women to find men who are willing to accept their careers. Women are often judged on the basis of how “Sanskari” they are and men based on how much they make.

4. At The End Of The Day, It’s A Personal Choice

In the end, marriage can be a life-altering decision to make, and it can often affect you in ways that you never anticipated. You don’t want to force yourself into a relationship and marriage with someone that you don’t see a future with. Rather than wasting time on a relationship that is going nowhere, you can simply stay single and focus on other aspects of your life. It’s much less of a hassle, if we’re being honest. Disagreements from your family are inevitable, sometimes you just need to stand by your decisions.

5. It Can Tie People Down

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Look, there is nothing wrong with being a non-committal person. If you’re someone who genuinely has fears about marriage and getting married, we understand what you mean. You should be fully ready and aware of what you’re getting into ahead of time. If you aren’t ready for marriage, don’t go ahead with it just because it’s a point to check off your checklist. This would be highly unfair to your partner.

6. Finding “The One” Isn’t As Easy As Movies Make It Out To Be

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Finding love is a lot more difficult than it looks. Many romance films will have you believe that finding love is as easy as counting 1,2,3. However, this is not always the case. It is important to see that marriage has nothing to do with how movies project them to be. There are tough moments, there are happy moments, and there are even more grey moments. However, movies tend to portray just one side of the story.

7. You Have Other Dreams

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It’s perfectly okay to not constantly dream of marriage and have your own dreams and ambitions. If your dreams and ambitions overshadow your marital plans and you don’t mind that, then you should go ahead and make your dream your reality. Marriage can wait, or it doesn’t even need to happen, for that matter. If there are aspirations and you suppress them to get married, you can look at it as the decision you made for yourself, but in the long run, there are chances of you wishing for the success that career would have brought for you.

8. You Don’t Want To Combine Finances

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Combining finances is an important thing to do if you’re going to tie the knot. Since you will both have to make certain common payments, it is important to plan on how you want to combine any finances that you may plan on sharing. You will have to share at least one joint account and deposit your salary in that. You will obviously have a separate bank account, but sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures and you might not be ready for that.

9. Compromising On Your Lifestyle Isn’t An Option For You

It’s perfectly alright to not want to get married because you don’t want to compromise on your lifestyle. Just because you see others getting married, that doesn’t mean that you have to. If you have a certain routine and lifestyle that you enjoy and marriage will send that out the window, you should definitely make the decision.

At the end of the day, all that matters is that you are happy wherever you are. Whether that is in a marriage, a relationship, or whether you are single. Just make sure you make the right choices for yourself because nobody else will live your life for you. Tell us all of your thoughts on this article in the comment section below!

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