A few days later, a spokesperson for Venice’s mayor told CNN that actually the canals are just clearer because fewer boats are kicking up sediment. But by this point I had already become convinced that in the human versus nature war, I would side happily with nature, thank you. I am probably not suited for combat in this war, but perhaps there’s another role for me somewhere. Maybe an office job?
I believe it is time to return to our most natural state. It is time to let our eyebrows grow untamed, and it is time to let our pimples rise and fall like kingdoms, and it is time to return to our roots. Where else are we going to go?
But then I will see another coworker, absolutely disheveled, hair curling inexplicably upwards in the back, and I say, “That person is just like me,” failing to realize I am actually looking at my own video feedback. When somebody looks like they haven’t risen from their bed in 27 days, certainly not to bathe or apply beard oil, I think, Yes, we are disgusting, because we’re all just people trying our best, which, during a public health crisis, is 50 percent less than otherwise.
It's certainly a look!
I feel comfortable saying that, due to the current global situation, vanity for the sake of other people is suspended indefinitely. Use this time to figure out your preferred state of undress, and perhaps grow your fingernails out, just to see if they'll shoot straight from your fingertips or curl into an elegant spiral.
Some celebrities have been doing this for years: I'm calling it the Dirtcore Lifestyle. Justin Bieber has been the movement’s poster child ever since he started wearing only objects he encountered organically, as if foraging for them. Soon a mustache began to creep across his upper lip, and his hair began to grow out of a headband and into a beanie, out of a beanie and into a bun. His highlights are not the work of a colorist, but the result of many radiant blessings from the sun god.
Then there is Kristen Stewart, whose geometry taunts us from her various Chanel beauty campaigns. She dresses and grooms as if she is meeting her undergraduate study group to work on their Intro to Art History presentation. Speaking of Chanel, do you remember that quote about "always taking off one thing before you leave the house?" F.K.A. Twigs does not: Instead she puts on every piece of clothing she owns. I love to see Zendaya looking bored on the phone and then seeing Zendaya spackled with gloss.
Me seamlessly transitioning from an REM cycle to a morning meeting
Quarantine is where Dirtcore flourishes, but it predated our current crisis and will also outlast it: Dirtcore can be dressed up. Dirtcore can run a comb through its sun-soaked hair, maybe layer on a couple of shades of eyeshadow. Dirtcore can shower and hit the club, and can be seen fidgeting awkwardly under confectionary blush and Gucci silk shirts. The gulf between Dirtcore in its natural state and Dirtcore dressed up is magnificent to witness, but is best deployed for special occasions, like your wedding to Hailey Baldwin or your Chanel beauty campaign photo shoot.
Dirtcore has something to do with knowing what you look like and ultimately being fine with that. It’s one of many ways to approach self-presentation, all of which are correct, many of which are difficult to do when you are being asked to stay home as much as possible. I recommend trying it out and seeing how it suits you. I will also disclose the white-hot flicker of power I feel when somebody asks about my highlighter and I tell them it is just my greasy sheen staring back at them.
Other correct opinions:
- These Are ishonest Editors' Favorite New Beauty Products
- Can I Socially Distance Myself From These Terrible Jokes About Gaining Weight While Quarantined?
- In Defense of Skin Care, Because Apparently I Have to Defend It
Or maybe you love vanity and that's fine! Watch what it's like to get your eyebrows microbladed:
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